August 25, 2009
All this talk I’ve been entertaining about teachers who leave, teachers who stay, and why, isn’t theoretical for me. A fairly mass exodus of committed and brilliant professionals from my building occurred this past summer, coinciding with the departure of the sometimes infuriating, ever inspiring dy/dan. The Tempered Radical has just adopted a baby and wonders if he can sustain a family on his salary. The best urban educator I know has been kicking around nursing school and other career choices. I feel…bereft. Blessed. Scared.
The list of gifts over which I have no control– a principal who provides wiggle room, a director with a shared vision of literacy, a diverse but generally socioeconomically sound caseload, a supportive and smart team of teachers who care for each other, and a curriculum which still allows me to muck around a bit and have fun– this list is ridiculously long. It will not last. What can I do in the meantime to turn the tide in favor of my own retention?
I can realize that my longtime dream of a Ph.D. is a final exit. I wish it weren’t true. But if only for the financial burden and the slow roll of innovation, it is highly unlikely that I would be able to return to the classroom with a doctorate and find some sustainable use for it with the kids. This latter scenario would be the only reason I personally could justify leaving for doctoral work in the near future, after only this mere handful of years of teaching. Realizing this– that the system cannot really integrate or balance these two callings of mine– is truly saddening, but also comforting. It’s taken a burden off my shoulders I didn’t realize I was carrying.
So there’s only one answer, isn’t there? I have to do the Ph.D. when I’m actually ready to be a teacher of teachers– that is, when I’m ready to leave the public secondary classroom for good.
I can’t even predict when that would be. In my dream world, my list sustains me for a decade plus at least, giving me sufficient courage, strength, and experience for harder teaching conditions, when they come. But all I can say for certain is that the time to leave is not yet now.
And this gives me a clearer, morally supportable vision of where I am headed. It gives me terra firma: my used bean bag chairs, that thrill of hope for a new workshop approach this year, my classroom library to be balanced, top-heavy with historical fiction (and how did that happen? I don’t even like historical fiction all that much)… uneaten macaroni and cheese sitting on the desk as I alphabetize one more shelf, wondering what kids will like and love upon them in just a few short days.
It gives me a commitment to being here.
August 25th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
This is awesome. Time in the woods really narrows the mind, doesn’t it? I sometimes worry that I didn’t experience things quite long enough to fully understand what I am doing, but then again, who ever does? You might say that I’m taking a leap of faith with this one. Still, it’s really odd to be preparing for life as a student at this point in the year. I think I might need to come down and sit on your flame-retarded couch every once in a while to ground myself. Sound good?
August 25th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
My couch is not retarded. And come visit anytime.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:28 am
I’m splitting myself between teaching and learning this year. Two math classes plus Ph.D. coursework, perhaps at the expense of both, but I couldn’t choose.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Dan: good.
August 26th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
I too hope to do a PhD someday. I hope it won’t be an end for me in an elementary classroom though (but that may have to do with the fact that I don’t want to teach teachers – or at least I don’t think I do). Your perspective is interesting for me to consider.
As an aside, during my 10 years teaching fourth and fifth grades I found my classroom library to be quite heavy on historical fiction as well. It’s far from my favorite genre either. I wonder if this is a common problem…
August 28th, 2009 at 12:43 am
Dina can you explain a bit more about what you mean here? I’m trying to unpack your different reasons for staying in the classroom vs. going on to a PhD, it’s a tension I feel as well.
This sentence in particular has me guessing at what you mean:
“This latter scenario would be the only reason I personally could justify leaving for doctoral work in the near future, after only this mere handful of years of teaching.”
You feel a moral calling to work in public schools?
And you see a PhD as moving you permanently into tertiary education?
August 29th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I do feel a moral calling to work in public schools, beyond my love of teaching. More to the point, I both desire and feel obligated to stick around for quite a while. Teacher turnover is rampant and damaging; more personally, despite this being my eleventh year in the classroom overall, I have only been a mainstream E/LA educator for two. Might as well have a diaper on.
It is the exceptionally rare educator who can return to the public classroom with a Ph.D. and have it be of some use systemically and/or compensated adequately. For example, in my district, there are no avenues in which a Ph.D. purchases you opportunities to put that in-depth training to use while still maintaining a relationship with kids– it’s admin or nothing. A Ph.D. simply placed back in a standard classroom role (provided they even hired you, as you would be a financial liability) does not even compensate fiscally; it nets you at most 10% (pre-tax, by the way) of what you paid to get the thing, with no other tuition reimbursement or paid leave. In otherwords the payoff just doesn’t justify the effort (and the absence) in my eyes, morally or pragmatically.
As a result, it just makes sense to me to leave it be until I’m really ready to go, and then give my all to working with preservice teachers.
August 29th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Dina – I am one of those committed (I won’t say brilliant) and who taught outside of the box educators, who left teaching over a year ago. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret it and now that I am free to explore returning to teaching (I made a promise that I wouldn’t until September 1, 2009 and here it is) and now I possibly/probably will find a way to return.
But your conundrum is a difficult decision, look at this way if you use your experience and Ph.D to become a teacher of teachers, then you will have more impact on the classroom and teaching than if you remain a K-12 teacher. Simply multiply the number of possible teacher candidates that you might teach and then multiply that by the number of typical classes and classroom size and look at the difference that you might make.
Taking real classroom experience that is recent and relevant into teacher preparation is often missing for instructors who have not had a non-college classroom in years and have lost touch with the reality of today’s students vs those of 10 or 20 years ago.
I say go with your heart, but look where you will have the most positive impact on our students, not just your students.
Harold
August 30th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Re: “So there’s only one answer, isn’t there? I have to do the Ph.D. when I’m actually ready to be a teacher of teachers– that is, when I’m ready to leave the public secondary classroom for good.”
Bad news, I’m afraid: you are already a teacher of teachers. Your blog, and Dan Meyer’s, along with your communities of commenters, are two of the most important components of my upcoming year of teacher prep.