STAKE (from my goldmine http://www.etymonline.com): “post upon which persons were bound for death by burning”, recorded from c.1205.

Just a few hours ago I received an Excel spreadsheet for my student cohort of the results of what my district calls the “E/LA Pre-test.” This is basically the multiple-choice section of the NYS 7th grade English exam. (Yes– my district, being somewhat attuned to how tests actually are useful, has to administer and collate data from a second test because of the ridiculously slow turnaround and incomprehensibility of the results of the real one.)

I’m not going to discuss my kids’ results here, because they’re not actually the point. What struck me so powerfully was my reaction to the data. And people who know me might be surprised at what it was.

“Well. Look at this spread. Am I going to get in trouble? What’s the cut off point I need to worry about here? Let me get my calculator out. Hm. Looks like I’m safe. But maybe not. I’ll have to figure out which questions the kids messed up on and drill them. And I wonder if I did better than my other 7th grade colleagues in the building. ”

“I wonder if I did better…”?? Drills?

You know, I do think I am generally ego-balanced as a person. More importantly, I am steeped in a constructivist, collaborative, whole-child mindset. It is what works. It is what I believe in with all my heart. And I trust that I’ll recover my equilibrium here. But I can’t deny my discomfort.

My very first look at the “data,” and this is what comes out of me. This is what AYP and non-growth models engender. Punitive, isolating, vicious competition.

High stakes? I am tied to this stake now. Am I already burning?